You Don't Always Have to Accept the Invitation


I remember when I was young and I really wanted to have a birthday party at my house. My parents agreed and had me send out birthday party invites to my friends with an a note to RSVP so they could have an idea of how many people were going to show up. This would allow them to plan for the appropriate amount of food, drinks, and party favors to prepare. To me, I thought it was an exercise in futility because all I was concerned about was how many birthday gifts I was going to receive and making sure that I had the right people showing up. My parents made sure that I didn't leave anyone out and made me write cards to every person in my class. Begrudgingly, I put the invites together and scribbled some incoherent message on them about coming to the party and I handed them out at school the next day. I was elated about handing out the cards to some and hesitated handing them out to others and hoped they wouldn't come. As a young kid, you want to be popular and live up to the image you have created in your head about what popularity means. You are selfish and egotistical at that age and really don't think about the larger scope of what is really important. That's why you have parents and teachers to help you traverse these life lessons. 


Répondez s'il vous plaît. That's a pretty highfalutin way of telling someone that you will give up some of your valuable time to make an appearance at their party/event.  We all love getting mail asking us to RSVP because it means that we have been invited or selected to attend and it gives us the impression that we were chosen specifically because we are important. It gives us that warm, fuzzy feeling that we have made it to the upper echelon and that our presence is desirable. It lets the person who invited us know that we are coming and they can prepare a seat at the table for us. It's a fancy way of saying that we will grace others with our presence. But, what if we didn't RSVP? There are times that we don't necessarily have to accept the invitation and it is a good thing.


We've all had the opportunity to participate in a pity party or a vent session to air our grievances, but have we really done a thorough job of figuring out if they actually make us feel better in the long run? What if we didn't accept the invitation to participate and instead focused our energy on things that will actually make a difference, like being a part of the solution. We get and accept what we tolerate, so if we really want to feel better, have a sense of belonging, and be a part of a culture that values us, why not decline the invite to the situations that won't get us closer to that goal. Better yet, why don't we encourage our colleagues who don't have the courage to decline the invite to do something productive to solve the issue. That is a much more productive use of our time and we will benefit from it.


Everybody loves a good party. It's a time for fellowship, laughter, and to have a good time. They are times that we look forward to and give us a good feeling about attending. We RSVP because we want to attend and let people know that they are valued and worthy of our time. Make sure the RSVP is for something that you want to invest your time in and that it's the type of party where your presence actually brings something to the table.


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