The Loss of Control

A couple of weeks ago in the midst of the most hectic part of the school year, I went to the walk-in clinic and had a flu swab conducted. I had done my usual routine of telling myself I wasn't sick and that if I just hammered through it like I have always done, I would be just fine. Well, the results of that flu swab indicated that I wasn't okay and the doctor told me that I was contagious and that I needed to stay home from work. I told her that being absent from work was not an option and she politely asked if I needed a note to give to my employer saying that I couldn't be at work. I told her what I did for a living and she smirked just a little and said, "Well, I guess you don't need a note." She then excused me from the office and asked if I knew my way out. As I walked the hallway maze out of the clinic, my mind filled with doomsday scenarios about why I couldn't miss work during this crazy time and how I couldn't let my team down. I had lost control over the situation and had been relegated to the proverbial bench.

As humans, we love to have a sense of control. Growing up, we want more of it so we can project independence from our parents and other adults. As adults, we crave it because it keeps our life in order and provides the feeling that we are in charge of what happens to us. When we lose it, we sometimes get lost and display frustration, anger, resentment, apathy, etc.

Having control, or even the sense of control is a security blanket that we all love to wrap ourselves in, but at times, like the situation I mentioned above, we lose the ability to control the situation and we experience a feeling of unknown and fall outside of our comfort zone. In these times, we really have two options available to us. We can fight to gain control back or we can accept that whatever happens is out of our control and try to make the best of things as they unfold.

Believe it or not, I am not a control freak. I don't seek out control, but rather, I look for the things that I am responsible for and I try to do them to the best of my ability. On the other hand, I also understand what others are in control of and I hold them to the same high standards that I hold myself. As a leader, I have committed myself to not asking others to do something that I wouldn't do myself. What is frustrating, however, is when I am responsible for something and I don't live up to my own high standards. In the aforementioned example, I knew that there was a crazy busy week ahead for everyone at school, but I had to miss out due to an illness. I had effectively lost control of what I was responsible for and that led to an overwhelming sense of guilt and frustration that probably made my illness that much worse. It was at this point that I decided I needed to follow my own advice and take care of myself so I could in turn serve those that I am charged to lead. I reminded myself that I have an extremely competent and talented set of people who surround me that do everything they can to offer a helping hand when others fall down. To try to regain a sense of control over an uncontrollable situation would be a sign of mistrust and selfishness on my part because it would send the message that I couldn't count on those around me to get the job done. Guess what? When I returned, everything went according to plan, the school was still standing, and I didn't infect others with the flu.

Ultimately, the message here is that we can't be in control of everything. We are all going to be dealt a hand of cards sometimes that we can't play and we need to decide if we are going to bluff it and play it out or if we are going to fold and play the next hand. If you do an honest cost/benefit analysis, a bluff may end up costing more than you might think, so it is best to lay the hand down. The culture of your organization will rise or fall in these moments because people will either come together to get the job done or everything will fall apart. Fortunately for me, the school I work in displayed the former, and deep down inside, I knew it would because we trust one another and don't get into battles over control. We are a team who unites when our people get knocked down. Instead of a foot, we offer a helping hand to get people back on their feet. We realize that our individual epics are built on the successes of others that we place trust in to get the job done. For that, I am grateful.

#Onward