I've written before about the value of forgiveness and how it goes a long way in helping overcome physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion. When someone has harmed you, the issue takes up residence in your head and you dwell on it to the point that it consumes you and plays havoc on your life. In these times, forgiveness is the key to moving forward. Make no bones about it, forgiveness is hard and it is about YOU and not the person that did you wrong. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself and not for the other person. The act of forgiveness is not easy because it requires that you set aside specific actions that may have caused you harm and commit to moving on. Forgiveness does not mean that you forget, but rather, it means that you are no longer going to let something that someone did to you consume space in your mind that impacts you in a negative manner. Keeping this in mind, the other side of the coin is offering up an apology when you have done something wrong. An apology is something that you give to others because you were wrong, you recognize that you caused harm, and you are ready to own your responsibility in the hope that you will be forgiven.
Therein lies the alleged dichotomy between forgiveness and an apology. One is done for yourself, while the other is done for others. I would argue, however, that both forgiving others and apologizing when you are wrong are things that you do for yourself. Forgiveness allows you to heal and apologies allow you to move on and avoid some regret later on. Both are extremely difficult, but are necessary if we want to develop cultures where people feel valued, respected, and heard. The good news is that each of us has control over whether or not we are going to apologize and forgive. The problem we face, however, is that both forgiving others and offering up an apology are learned behaviors that don't get modeled on a regular basis because somewhere along the line we have associated the two with weakness. Instead of looking out for our own well being, we will hold onto a grudge and not forgive. Instead of recognizing that we did something wrong to someone else and apologize, we will hold our ground to prove we are right. It's time to change the narrative and start modeling what we want to see in others. While we can't force someone to forgive us, we do have control over whether or not we will apologize to those around us when we are wrong. It is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes, but an apology will ultimately lead to better relationships.
There is an old leadership adage that states you gain power by giving away the power that you have. This is an important lesson in giving an apology because our learned behavior has taught us that when you apologize for something that you did wrong, you are giving away the power you hold and that the other person can now use that apology against you later on. This is a pretty pessimistic way of looking at life and leads to toxic cultures of blame and finger pointing. Each of us can play a part in changing this by owning our part in what went wrong and apologizing for it in an intentional and meaningful way. After all, a forced apology doesn't do anyone any good and can actually harm the relationship further.
I'll admit, I'm still learning to follow my own advice here and get hung up sometimes. I sometimes hold on to apologies like currency because I fear that others might view this as a weakness. My first step to recovery though is to recognize this and begin the healing process for not only myself, but for those around me. I'm choosing to do my part and hope that others around me will do the same. Ultimately, if we all commit to developing a new learned behavior, we might begin to clear up some of the space in our head that has been cluttered for far too long.
#Onward
Therein lies the alleged dichotomy between forgiveness and an apology. One is done for yourself, while the other is done for others. I would argue, however, that both forgiving others and apologizing when you are wrong are things that you do for yourself. Forgiveness allows you to heal and apologies allow you to move on and avoid some regret later on. Both are extremely difficult, but are necessary if we want to develop cultures where people feel valued, respected, and heard. The good news is that each of us has control over whether or not we are going to apologize and forgive. The problem we face, however, is that both forgiving others and offering up an apology are learned behaviors that don't get modeled on a regular basis because somewhere along the line we have associated the two with weakness. Instead of looking out for our own well being, we will hold onto a grudge and not forgive. Instead of recognizing that we did something wrong to someone else and apologize, we will hold our ground to prove we are right. It's time to change the narrative and start modeling what we want to see in others. While we can't force someone to forgive us, we do have control over whether or not we will apologize to those around us when we are wrong. It is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes, but an apology will ultimately lead to better relationships.
There is an old leadership adage that states you gain power by giving away the power that you have. This is an important lesson in giving an apology because our learned behavior has taught us that when you apologize for something that you did wrong, you are giving away the power you hold and that the other person can now use that apology against you later on. This is a pretty pessimistic way of looking at life and leads to toxic cultures of blame and finger pointing. Each of us can play a part in changing this by owning our part in what went wrong and apologizing for it in an intentional and meaningful way. After all, a forced apology doesn't do anyone any good and can actually harm the relationship further.
I'll admit, I'm still learning to follow my own advice here and get hung up sometimes. I sometimes hold on to apologies like currency because I fear that others might view this as a weakness. My first step to recovery though is to recognize this and begin the healing process for not only myself, but for those around me. I'm choosing to do my part and hope that others around me will do the same. Ultimately, if we all commit to developing a new learned behavior, we might begin to clear up some of the space in our head that has been cluttered for far too long.
#Onward
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