Grieving the Loss of Normalcy

My bride of 19 years is a Special Education teacher with a background in social work and she and I regularly engage in conversations about school. As you might imagine, the past few weeks have been full of interesting topics as we venture into this world of online learning due to the COVID-19 pandemic. One conversation that I remember us having a few years ago was the grieving process that parents go through when their child is diagnosed with an intellectual or physical disability. Parents grieve, in their own ways, because they are grieving the loss of the parenthood experience they had imagined for their child and getting used to what it will be instead. The memory of this conversation came flooding back to me this week because our state learned that schools would be closed down for the remainder of the year due to COVID-19 pandemic. I think that many people knew it was coming, but there is something about the utterance of the words that made it real and jarring to the system. Prior to the words being spoken, there was hope that we would be able to return to our buildings and be with our students and colleagues again. There was hope that we would get back to normal. Now, the hope is gone and the grieving begins.

Grieving is a natural part of loss and people deal with it in different ways. As a leader, I have typically used the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle (image below) as it pertains to cultural changes in schools even though it was designed for those who are dealing with grief due to death. 

In the case of our current situation with how schools are dealing with COVID-19, I think it is appropriate to use this image again to describe where we are at in our own grieving process as we struggle with learning a "new normal" for the remainder of this school year. I'll admit, I spent a few days in the anger phase because I wanted answers to questions I had and wasn't getting them. I easily became irritated because I was stuck at home and couldn't connect with people. I think I bypassed the bargaining phase and went directly into the depression phase because there were so many things outside of my control that it was hard to actually find meaning in the work that I do. Finally, with the Governor's announcement this week, I feel as if I can confidently say that I am moving into the acceptance phase.

While I have chronicled my own process, I know that others may not be in the same place as me. There are students, teachers, and parents that are all at different places in the cycle because they are grieving the loss of normalcy in their own way and in their own time. Keeping this mind, it is critical to connect with people and help them through their grief rather than pile more on them. We are all in this together and the only way that we are going to reach acceptance is if we support one another through the grieving process.

While I don't know what the future holds, I do know that we have an amazing opportunity to help people in our school communities develop this new normal that we are in the process of building. We have a once in a lifetime chance to shift the focus of education and redefine it in a way that will impact generations to come. While we are grieving the loss of normalcy, the new normal we create can change the world!

#ONWARD