NO! You May Not Have Skittles For Breakfast

I was visiting with a colleague recently and she was telling me a story about how one of their family friends gives them 20 pounds of candy every year. She has two young boys, so you can imagine how the temptation of an overwhelming amount of sugary delights in the house can be a nightmare. She shared with me that it is almost a daily occurrence when her boys wake her and her husband up asking if they can have Skittles for breakfast. They know the answer they are going to receive, but like most kids, they are going to ask over and over and over again in the hopes of beating them down into submission. Sometimes it works, but more often than not, the answer is, "NO! You may not have Skittles for breakfast!"

As she shared this fantastic story with me, I was able to relate it fairly easy to my job as a high school principal. In any leadership position, one will inevitably have to say "no" to various requests or demands. It is sometimes exasperating because you may get hit up with the same question multiple times in a day. I have to admit, I really don't like telling people "no". Like other principals I have been fortunate enough to meet during my career, I want to make sure that teachers have the tools and resources to do their jobs to the best of their ability. I want to encourage them to think outside the box and try things. If they fail, I want them to learn from it and keep trying new things. I don't want the topic of money, time, or resources to enter the discussion and be the reason why they can't do something. I want to tell them "yes" and support them in any way that I can.

There are times, however, where I can't say "yes" and I cringe when I see the disappointment on their faces. You see, telling someone "no" and seeing their disappointment tugs a little at you. That is why I think it is extremely important to sprinkle a little Love and Logic in to the mix. If you aren't familiar with Love and Logic, it is a way to help people learn lessons when they're given a task and allowed to make their own choices (and fail) when the cost of failure is still small. Although Love and Logic is primarily used with young people, there are tenets of it that work with adults as well.

When I have to say "no" to someone, I almost always follow it up with other choices to choose from. The key here is to give the person choices that YOU are okay with. By doing so, you are setting the parameters by which they can move forward and they are getting to make a decision on their own based on what fits their needs the best. This won't always work because adults act differently than children, but it certainly beats telling someone "no" and then moving on.

As you approach this school year, I challenge you to think about giving alternative choices that you are okay with when you have to tell someone "no". No matter what role you are in, whether you work with children or adults, take the time to consider alternatives that will build upon a collaborative relationship. Instead of saying, "No! You may not have Skittles for breakfast," maybe offer up an alternative, "But doesn't a Pop Tart or Mini-Donuts sound great!" All are probably not the healthiest of options, but two of them are more palatable than the other.